Recalling my Projections

Here, boy! Here, boy! C’mere! 

I promised earlier that I’d write again about projection, and give an example of how I’ve worked through some of my own. My intention is to illustrate one way of recalling one’s projections. We project (throw outside of ourselves onto others) what we don’t want to recognize as being real parts of ourselves. My experience has been that recalling my projections really is like calling a loose dog back home:  “Here, boy! Here, boy! C’mere! Come on in!”

The best way I’ve found of recalling my projection is to use a blame or a wish as the trigger that helps me identify the projection. I wasn’t able to do this mentally at first, so I had to do quite a bit of journaling before I found it easy to go straight to a mental recollection of the projection.

To illustrate how it worked when I journaled about it, I’m going to share something rather ugly: a page from one of my old journals. With names changed to protect the innocent (of course), I offer:

Dear Diary,

I am all kinds of out of sorts today. I feel confused, as if truth cannot be known, or at least not by me. As if I am no more than a smart, high-functioning “loser,” an oxymoron if there ever was one! I also feel mad at some people (“them”). Earlier, in response to something a family member said that sounded like a blame, I exclaimed, “I am sick and tired of people blaming me!”

So here’s a list of what is “making” me mad:

• I am sick and tired of people blaming me for their feelings.
• I am tired of being the one people project their “bad mom” garbage onto.

Who are these “others,” the “them,” the “people”? In no particular order, they are Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

Have I blamed others for anything similar? Hmmm. Yes, I have, actually. In the past, the people who made me mad for these same reasons were Saint Paul and Saint Peter. Ah, interesting.

This gives me a stomach ache! I’m getting somewhere. Stomach is a third chakra issue related to self-esteem, respect, being solid about one’s judgments; fear of rejection, consequences of choices. Hmmm. Interesting. If I’m mad and it’s everyone else’s fault, then obviously I’m not solid about my judgments. I’m not even taking care of my life, because I’m a slave.

In the past, when I was mad at Paul and Peter, I notice that I wasn’t sure of their love. I wasn’t sure that my relationship with them was on solid ground. Even though I knew our hearts met, I doubted it. Looking at what has been healed and what hasn’t, I can see clearly that I don’t feel similarly secure or solid with Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. To one degree or another, I mistrust them. I also don’t trust Mary Magdalene, but for some reason this isn’t an issue and I didn’t add her to my list. Hmmm. Why is that? Appearances? Fantasies? Maybe: let’s see what they all have in common.

• I have sacrificed a lot for them, and they still act ugly!
• They don’t give me the respect I “deserve.”
• They blame me for problems for which they never took responsibility (for their own part, anyway).
• I never know when they’re going to stab me in the back or slap me in the face!
• They look good to others, so any lack in our relationship is as likely to be attributed to me as to them.
• I am disappointed at my personal return for the investment I made in the relationship.
• This person does not show compassion for the suffering they have caused me.
• In fact, this person blames me and remains stuck in an area I plainly see.
• I do not see the growth I had hoped for in this person, given my investment.
• All things considered, if I had a do-over, I would not invest so heavily in this person.
• Now I want to withdraw from these people and use my energies for other people who appear to be better investments.

Good work, Eve. Now you’ve got Matthew, Mark, Luke and John nailed to the wall. Way to go!

But here comes the hard part: now, assuming that “All Is One,” and that this stuff is actually part of you, please write all of these messages out in I-Thou terms, referring only to your relationship with yourself, or your relationship with God.

OK, will do. My stomach hurts again, though.

I know, it’s OK. You’ll feel better soon. It won’t be so bad, you’ll see.

OK, thanks for the support.

It’s nothing, that’s what I’m here for.

Here’s my list:

• God sacrificed a lot for me, as have others, and I still act ugly.
• I do not give God, myself, or these people the respect they deserve.
• I have not taken responsibility for my part in any problems.
• You never know when I am going to turn on you!
• I look so competent and “good” that any lack in relationships are likely to be blamed on others.
• I have not always been a good “investment.”
• I do not show compassion for the suffering I have caused others.
• I blame them and remain stuck in obvious ways.
• I have not evidenced the growth I’m capable of, given the investment God and others have made in my life.
• If they got a “do-over,” knowing what they know now, they probably would not have chosen me.
• I am avoiding and ignoring God, myself, and others.
• I do not see their need for my love, support, and approval.
• I do not see God’s desire for me.
• I fear that others will withdraw from me and look for better “investments.”
• I am ignoring my human needs and treating myself like an object.
• I’m ignoring God as God, and treating Him like an object.
• I’m ignoring the needs of others, and treating them like objects.

After this exercise, I was miraculously cured of my anger toward Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I easily gave up my desire to be right and to harshly judge others, and I was filled with compassion and regret. I apologized to God, myself, and others and asked their forgiveness through prayer, for most of my anger had been inward and expressed only through being irritable.

Later, I told my loved ones that I regretted having been irritable and unkind, but that I had seen I was projecting my stuff onto them and others, and I was sorry about it and would work on recalling my projections and keeping them on a leash.

Since then, I have continued to blame other people, events, and circumstances for my discomfort, but I don’t do it as often or as quickly, I am never 100% sure that I’m right, and I try to keep my projections on a short leash.

I’m much more responsible, and I feel much safer, and I’m happy most of the time.

This is it in a nutshell. This is how it works for me, recalling my projections–one way that it works. Tomorrow, hopefully I’ll have time to write about other ways I’m able to recall my projections, and what others have written about projection.

Art by Salvadore Dali