I used to have a book about animal totems. I’ll have to see if the library has it to start thinking about what meaning there might be for me in this. And maybe Man and His Symbols.

I’m touched by this most recent comment you’ve made; your awareness is startling to read first thing in the morning–as good as a cup of coffee!

I am slowly coming to appreciate how I can learn from my projection reactions, but it’s a new process, and I am still spending some time sulking over the fact that it’s my problem, and not theirs. And of course, sometimes I am triggered by something or someone that really is legitimately problematic, as well as being personal to me, and then it’s fun to sort out The Right Thing from My Personal Thing.

But I’m kind of enjoying the sulking and rebelling against the necessity to do the work. I know I will do the work, and am doing it, and that it’s in my nature to do it. I was such a preternaturally good kid, though; it’s useful to me to throw a little harmless resentful tantrum in my present continuum, even if I’m my only witness. Then I can sit myself down and try to explain that there’s no limit on how much happiness there can be in the world. My maddening colleague can have a whole lot, and there will still be plenty left for me if I want it, and wanting it is the hard part.

Where did this come from? A childhood deprivation that I had carried into adulthood with me, of course.

Your friend, like mine, is your sense of entitlement, bounty, and blessing which is alienated from you. And you are acting the dark side for her. Our whole selves are light and shadow, yin and yang, Eve and Lilith, Adam and Christ. And everything cries “glory!”

I hope you two will do what my friend and I did, which is to detach, make lots of lists about one another, do good work on the depths of our souls (with good help, I might add), and live happily ever after. (Well, I’m still working on that last bit. . .).