Comments on: The Gift of Clarity

By: Diane Chamberlain

Diane Chamberlain — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 20:06:34 +0000

Eve, I just discovered your fascinating blog! I am starting my 19th novel and it involves a birth mother fighting to reclaim the baby she put up for adoption. I would really like to “email chat” with you on this subject if you’re willing. If you are, please pop me an email. Thanks.

By: smudge77

smudge77 — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:30:47 +0000

I wish I could have been like that at a meeting at my daughter’s ex school, which was about readmitting her after a temporary exclusion.

I experienced much that you did, and some of what you wrote could have been my thoughts and speech too… [I am an ex mental health worker also]

But our situation did not end so well.

I was glad to read the above…as it’s so late may be back tomorrow to read again.

By: David

David — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:49:12 +0000

It really is an interesting question, and one I’ve pondered for a variety of reasons, not the least of which has to do with my complex psychological wiring; I’m not sure whether I do in fact have some genuinely calm aspect, since none of the ones I’m familiar with have any inherent peacefulness.

What I do know about, though, is the physical language of peace, and beacuse I am hyperattuned to people’s body language (to such an extent that it troubles me to talk to people over the phone and miss those cues) I have always known how to somatically “mimic” calm. To some extent, I think this mimicry does produce some peacefulness in the body, as the physical habits of nervousness tend to be self-perpetuating.

My feeling, in my own case, is that most people are not sufficiently observant on a subtle level to discern the aspect of calm from actual calm … and I do think there’s a core difference between those two things.

By: Eve

Eve — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:16:09 +0000

David, ha ha! That’s funny about your social anxiety group! “Dude, why do you think I’m here?” gave me a good chuckle.

How or where did you learn how to exude calm when you’re not calm? I’ve wondered whether acting calm doesn’t simply produce calm, so that a person choosing calm as a response isn’t even really “faking” it, but may simply be side-stepping valid emotions, but using behavior that is more appropriate in the moment. For the part that can be calm (or act it), the calm may in fact be real.

Just musing. You have a way of inspiring me to do that.