Where do you draw the line?

The woodsy smell of the fire my husband had built in our gathering room suffused the house and gently goaded me to consciousness. As I waited for the water to boil for tea, I shuffled outside with the dogs. The air was as sharp and crisp as Vermont cheddar cheese. As I looked out over the pasture, one of my first coherent thoughts of the day was a question: What’s the difference between a Republican and a Democrat, a conservative and a liberal? Where are our differences?

I poured the tea and remembered the weekend I spent with my friend Sandra, the facilitator of a Jungian group in a nearby state and a staunch Democrat. She is one of the kindest, most interesting and most hospitable women I’ve met, and I’ve met a lot of women in half a century. One of the best words I can think of to describe her is “delightful.”

Most of the group that Sandy has met with for over a decade are Democrats, and one holds political office. I fit right in with their group, though, as often happens when I go around people, for I am interested in and curious about people, and I find something lovable in everyone. They were much the same—caring, friendly, warm, intelligent. Warmth has no political party, and so we all got along.

A few years ago, Sandra’s son, Ben, had a near-fatal car accident that left him a quadriplegic. As we drove to Ben’s house to visit, Sandy told me the story of his suffering and the toll it had taken on the whole family. It was a difficult story to hear, but Ben had adapted and is an active, interesting man who is always busy doing something useful. He had bought a lovely home on the lake, but was having problems with a local businessman, whose property Ben has to go through to get to his house. This businessman has piled the access road to Ben’s house with all sorts of salvage and junk, usually in defiance of the city codes. He wants to buy Ben’s property, they explained, and so is making life as difficult as possible for Ben in hopes that Ben will give up the fight and move. Sandra pointed out that Ben’s special van or an ambulance can barely make it through the access road, so great is the businessman’s encroachment. In a life that has already been full enough of suffering, Ben had one more fight on his hands.

We had to slow down as we approached Ben’s property through the jumble of junk piled along both sides of the access road. The very sight of it incensed Sandra, who exclaimed, “Those damn Republicans! They care nothing about anyone else!” I, her shocked Republican house guest, said nothing, for I too was appalled by this man’s terrible behavior. Even so, Sandra’s sense of outrage was no greater than the offense I felt over being lumped in with an asshole who used his power and money to make life miserable for a quadriplegic.

This moment has stayed with me ever since. When my emotion rises and I think a thought that begins with, “Those damn—!” I know that I’ve already gone past the point of reason and am dealing with others out of my pain and frustration. Pain and frustration can transform us, but they also have the power to alienate us and drive us to see our pain and the cause of it everywhere. This is where bigotry and prejudice often arise. Prejudice does not see individuals, it only sees collectives.

What, exactly, divides us by political party, by label, by outlook? Have we worked out what we mean by our political party affiliations, whatever our nationalities? What do you mean to communicate with your vote? What values are behind it? What makes us so passionate about our politics, if not our closely-held beliefs?

Sandra’s entirely understandable fury against the politics of greed has changed me in a subtle but significant way. I know now that my Democrat friends may well see Republicans as greedy, mean-spirited or exploitive people. I understand that Republicans tend to see Democrats as lazy and amoral. But I wonder what it is that really divides people. I suspect only a handful of so-called social issues divide us, and most of them are not as much social as they are moral: abortion, gay marriage, and money. Isn’t this what all this fuss boils down to? If not, what else would you add to this short list?

I’ve been wondering. So I looked up some demographics, and I’ll be writing about those because what I learned was interesting and sometimes even surprising. We are alike more than you’d think. I suspect so much of this is about money, the haves and the have-nots. I suspect that I may find that Jesus was right again when he said, “Where your money is, there will your heart be also.”

In the meantime, I thought I’d ask you: What do you think divides political parties and people? What values do you believe you have that the opposing political party does not share? Is there one issue in particular that decides whether you are liberal, conservative, libertarian, Democrat, Republican, Independent, moderate? Where do you draw your line, and why?