As for “no-self…” I’m not Buddhist so I’ll take what I want from the wisdom of that faith, like I do all other faiths (what can I say, I’m a spiritual parasite). If the self is defined by desire and yearning then”self-worth” gets defined by “what one has and wants.” Negative self-worth comes if ones’ desires exceeds what one has. Moreover, Buddhists say we should focus on the “now,” while the self tends to get fixated on past and future. I don’t really know what to make of nirvana and all that, but the Buddhist idea that desire and the inability to focus on the present creates suffering, is pretty persuasive. (Though I can’t say I found that Buddhist blog Henitsirk linked to all that interesting…I prefer my spiritual ideas to be a bit more pragmatic).

So, of course I had to Google “Buddhist self-worth” and the first hit was this, so maybe I’m wrong.

It interested me that you expressed gratitude for your educated grandparents. My grandparents were lifelines for me for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that they were wise, educated, and Christian. My parents didn’t raise us with any spiritual direction at all, and this was a great loss for me as an intuitive, sensitive child. I’m always grateful that I did have people in my family who loved me unconditionally and who showed great examples of how to use one’s mind.

So, you have me intrigued. When you have time, I hope you come back and elaborate. I like to hear people’s stories.

I not only believe, but know that having a rough start isn’t a permanent sentence of any kind. It’s really up to the mother who’s going to be mothering to take care of that infant and give her what she needs. I’ve never agreed with Nancy Verrier’s theory of the primal wound, because her theory isn’t sound (she was never from the psychoanalytic school anyway, though). While I’m quite sure that Nancy saw something, I don’t think that qualifying it as a primal, permanent wound is accurate (otherwise, every single adopted person or baby ever separated from his/her mother would have one).

But still, Peach… there’s something there. Whether it is spiritual or arising from some deeply psychological place, I don’t know. There’s definitely something that happens. And yet, there’s also grace available. That’s the best thing.